


Long After You're Gone

by thursdaysfallenangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Typical Violence, Demon!Dean, M/M, almostahuman!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-14 23:37:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2207331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thursdaysfallenangel/pseuds/thursdaysfallenangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel never stopped looking for Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long After You're Gone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rabalaskas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabalaskas/gifts).



> I wrote this for a GISHWHES item that dictated I do something nice for another team! So of course I wrote Rachel and her Team #USSDestiel some angst. Because I'm nice like that.

Castiel finds it's much harder to track down a demon when he's a human, as opposed to when he was an angel. His respect for the Winchesters grows.  

Sam had wanted to come, but Castiel had told him this was something he needed to do alone. He promised to bring back Dean safe and sound, as long as Sam would let Castiel be the one to find him.

He has no idea how to keep that promise, but he's certainly going to try.  

Dean's hiding place this week is a run down farmhouse on the outskirts of a town somewhere in Iowa. Castiel had let Dean catch him, as he always did, because it was the only way Dean could be tricked into talking to him. Instead of the fear one should feel at being tied to a post, he feels only relief. Warm blood trickles down his cheek and caresses the line of his jaw. It feels like affection.  

"You keep coming back, dontcha Cas?" Dean muses. The blade in his hand glints in the lamplight as he runs a thumb along the sharp surface, slicing through his own flesh easily and without comment. "Who'd have thought you liked this kind of thing, you kinky son of a bitch?"

"Dean, please," Castiel tried to reason as he always does, a useless plea that will be uttered to his last breath. "Come home. Sam and I can help you."

"I don't wanna be helped, Cas," Dean says, eyes flickering jet black for just a second. "I like it like this. It feels good. This is what I was supposed to be. You ruined that, but it's all set right again."

"No," Cas spits out, the force of the word splitting his already cut lip even wider. He ignores that pain, believes with all of his heart what he says next, "You're a good man. You deserved to be saved then, and you deserve to be saved now."

Dean chuckles. "Yeah, but you can't see my soul now, can you? All your mojo's gone. Probably a good thing you can't, buddy, because I'll tell you right now, there ain't no light left in this twisted sister."

"There is."

Dean stops running his blade down Cas' chest, ripping his shirt open with one flick of his wrist before looking at him. "You know what's funny about being a demon?" He asks casually. "Everyone thinks it's darker. You know," he gestures with a grin towards his face, "with the eyes. But really everything is so much clearer now."

"What do you mean?" Castiel asks, gritting his teeth around a cry of pain as Dean digs the tip of the knife right under his ribs.  

"I mean," Dean says with emphasis and a flourish of the knife, smiling with pleasure as Castiel's blood trickles down his fingers, "you love me. And it's sad Cas, it really is, because I used to love you too."

"Don't," Castiel says, fear seizing his chest and making him go rigid. "Don't, Dean."

"Oh yeah, I did," he continues conversationally. "And I was too much of a sorry shit to admit it. I wanted to Cas. There were a lot of times when I came close. When I gave you back your coat, in the tomb...hell, I almost said it when you walked out on that whole friggen' army of angels for me. But I never did. And I never will. You know why?"

"No," Cas chokes out again, more in protest than to answer the question, but Dean answers himself anyway.  

"Because I'm a demon Cas," he says softly, leaning so close their noses brush. "And guys like me don't love guys like you. Or love at all, really. So you can have this-" he pressed his lips to Castiel's and it's a punishment, bruising and harsh and full of take. When he's done he pulls back and licks his lips, a bright grin on his face. "But you can never have me, Cas."

Castiel says nothing, because he's lost the will to answer. Dean wipes off his knife, sticks it in his boot, and salutes him goodbye with a cheerful, "until next time." Because Cas always follows him. Castiel will always follow Dean.

This is just the first time he's realized he may never find him again. 


End file.
